So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The Olympian is in my bed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
