fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
