there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
