im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
