And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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