how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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