My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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