Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
