Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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