Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
