I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
