He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
