He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
