Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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