i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
