I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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