This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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