i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You did what with his pubic hair?
And then he peed in my hair
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