Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this just has baby written all over it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
