Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
