This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
