i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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