I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
