hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
