somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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