just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
