Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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