I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
