someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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