nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
