i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
