While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
