I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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