I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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