Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
