Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have aggressive nipples.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
