I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
