so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks