I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
did i just pee glitter