I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
