WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.