How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament