I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit