dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
