You're completely useless in the revolution.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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