You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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