Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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