I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
