You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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