yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
