Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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