Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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