How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
