he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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