Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
