i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
