Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
