We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize