The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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