so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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