i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
