Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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