Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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