i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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