I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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