Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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