Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
