90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
