Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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