But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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