careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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