Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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