On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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