Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
