he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
