Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
